Why is that jerk staring at me?
Memorandum
To: the Asian lady sipping on tea for forty minutes after finishing her Umami burger while a throng waits outside for a table
Dear Madam,
Are you kidding me? Lady, this isn’t Sunday dinner at Lucques. Jesus Christ. People come to Umami Burger to 1) wolf down a Hatch burger; 2) guzzle down an orange Crush and; 3) go home to consummate their eating disorder ritual before reading New Moon. That’s it. Order, swallow, pay bill, go home, barf, read, sleep.
Even the rest of your table seemed a little embarrassed at you robbing me of my face-stuffing time. Your friend kept his head down looking at the check for quite some time, avoiding my admittedly overbearing icy glare through the glass window. Does it really take him that long to calculate the tip?
Methinks he was tired of your opinions on Brittany Murphy’s untimely death. You think drugs had something to do with it? Gee lady, you’re surely the lone theorist on this one. In fact, I think the Robert Downey Jr. movie shouldn’t even be called Sherlock Holmes anymore. It should instead be called Inconsiderate Tea-Sipping She-Devil.
Sincerely,
Harold
P.s. going through the day without eating lunch can make you grumpy
